I don’t even understand why being self conscious is just I- UGH I CAN’T EVEN GET IT OUT. How do you articulate something that’s so complex and just completely screwy. Being self conscious is a two way street, you either go one way and overcome what’s bothering you about yourself and go on to be a happier, more confident person. OR you go the other way, however, nobody actually chooses to go this way, it just happens. Down this road there is what looks like to be a happier and more confident you at the end, much like the first road, however, what you can’t see is the fact that despite all your effort to overcome what’s bothering you about yourself, whether it be physical or personality or mentally based, you still manage to hate yourself no matter fucking what. It’s a never ending cycle of finding something to hate about yourself. If you’re fat and you lose weight you talk too much suddenly, if you stop talking so much your skin isn’t clear enough etc. I seriously can’t deal with the constant stream of just bullshit thoughts about myself and my character. It’s so FUCKING IRRITATING. It’s gotten to the point where I just start hating myself for NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER. I’ll literally stop what I’m doing, just to think about how fucking stupid, or ugly, or annoying I am. I. Hate. Myself. And the worst part is, I know it’s all irrational and ridiculous, but I can’t stop it. It’s not the media, I’m an idiot for thinking like this. Fuck all of it. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far.